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The Corn Wound (or, Everything is Dangerous, People!)

Everybody on alert! It is time now to respect things that we once viewed as harmless. Because I, ladies and gentlemen, have been wounded by corn.

Yes, CORN.

It is a longstanding tradition in my family household: The kids get stuck shucking the corn while our parents sit and drink. Nevermind the fact that the kids are all pushing 30, and some of them don’t even like corn! (Yes, I am talking about me.) We stand over the outdoor table covered in those awful silky hairs, making ourselves crazy by trying to remove every last one. (Perhaps this is why I don’t like corn? The thought has occurred to me.)

I was snapping off the big knob at the bottom of one ear — very bravely and powerfully — when it happened. A remarkably firm bit of husk sliced right through the skin of my finger. The corn drew blood! So much, in fact, that I was forced to run inside for a band-aid! I can see the blood right now, as it has seeped almost all the way through to the surface. I have been visibly wounded by CORN!

My siblings, of course, viewed my corn wound as a desperate ploy to relieve myself of shucking duty. While this was not my intention, the shucking was complete upon my return — so the wound was ultimately worth it. Still, though, this is the second lamest injury I have ever sustained.

The first, if you must know, was from a nut.

I was cracking it. A piece got wedged into my palm like a splinter. It took weeks to work its way out. And I don’t even like nuts!

Lesson learned, I suppose. I will be very careful next time I handle a carrot.

4 Comments so far

  1. rob August 4th, 2008 7:31 am

    Reminds me of the time I cut my back with a bar of soap.

  2. Chris August 4th, 2008 8:35 am

    Hating corn is like hating freedom. If you hate corn, the terrorists win.

  3. lorcasaur August 4th, 2008 9:21 am

    Clearly corn is the terrorist here!

  4. Krista August 4th, 2008 12:21 pm

    I bruised my foot with a very sharp baguette last week. Damn you B&R!

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