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Archive for April, 2008

Bird update! (From my house!)

Thanks to my trusty reporter in the field, I’m here with up-to-the-minute updates on who’s chowing down in my living room.

So far we’ve seen:

  • Little brown hopping dudes (aka “sparrows”)
  • A little brown dude with a fine red head (a mystery!)
  • A mourning dove! (Large)

Still unaware of our fabulous bounty are my own personal bounty: the cardinals.  But take heart!  I believe it’s only a matter of time.

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BIRDS! (In my house!)

It’s a sad truth that I haven’t been excited enough about anything lately to actually fill this long-forgotten skeleton of a blog, but today it has happened.

The birds have found my house!

Have you ever spent $120 on a bird feeder and waited for weeks for the assholes to find it — all to no avail? You haven’t? Really?! Well, I’ll tell you: It is a horrible, helpless feeling. Rob installed the (deceptively cheap-looking) thing in the kitchen window a few weeks ago. It boasts a posh, welcoming entrance through the window that leads into a spacious foyer. And the foyer? It juts INTO MY HOUSE. So when the birds want to eat, they’re, like, in my house. And the best part? You can see them … but they totally can’t see you!

At first, I watched it obsessively. I even bought about 10 pounds of special Cardinal Blend to lure my favorite little dudes inside … and still, nothing. Just an ugly mess of pressboard and fake mirror that looked even more stupid from outside the house than it did from inside the kitchen — and even more so if you considered the little pile of bait-seed that I tossed onto the sill and down to the ground underneath. (I’m sure the squirrels enjoyed that immensely.)

Nothing but pain it brought me … until I began my ultra-scientific observation of the birds’ flight patterns.

Turns out the little fuckers fly right by the living room window on a regular basis. Sometimes they even park themselves on the (no doubt extremely safe) mess of wires about two feet away from it.

My findings:

Observation of flight patterns + relocation of feeder = BIRDS! (In my house!)

Yes, I got home from work today and found an unexpected guest gorging himself in my living room.

I could see him …

… but he couldn’t see me!

So fascinating was this turn of events that I found it difficult to focus on my traditional post-work viewing of Beverly Hills, 90210 — and that’s fucking fascinating!  A little seed, a little song, and then time to make room for the next guest.  Eventually I hope they’ll be comfortable enough to dine together, but for now they come solo.

Eventually, too, I’m sure I’ll get used to their behavior, at which point I’ll attempt to encourage new antics.  For example, it’d be funny to watch them eat polenta.  But for now, don’t expect me to socialize with you during daylight hours on Saturday.  ‘Cause I’ll be hanging out with the birds … IN MY MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE!

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